Being a lifeless shell
by Nr.Six
Summary: Gretchen is thinking, at the end of season 3, what happened with Sarah? What will happen to Gretchen after the failed Bang and Burn?


I just wanted to write something about Gretchen/ Susan B. I am very curious what happened to her and to know more about her, somewhere I hope there will be more fanfics about her. For now: here is a short one of mine.

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Two blue piercing eyes stared back at her when she looked in the mirror. Her eyes fell on the scars on her cheek, just for a moment.

A moment of weakness.

She never looked at them, pretended that they weren't there.

Yes, she covered them up every single morning, making them dissapear as good and bad as that went. But she never thought about them.

Her eyes went back from the scars to the stern blue colour in her eyes. She felt nothing, nothing at all. And that was why she was good for this job. She was feelingless.

Her eyes grew bigger, pierced even more.

She had her knife in her right hand. She loved the feel of it. That strong feel, that sharp blade that could cut through almost everything. Anything.

It protected her, that knife. She became lifeless and a killing machine when she had that knife with her. She threw the knife away on the floor.

There was no one that understood her. No one that could ever understand her. And to top it all: there was really no one who would care. She clenched her fists, her nails dug into the tender skin of her palms.

She had died a long time ago. A very long time ago. She had died the minute that they attacked her, raped her, took away everything that was hers. She had gone through it, somehow, her body survived. Somehow she was still in this world. But her mind was gone, it was just a lifeless shell that she was looking at. And that was the way she wanted it to be. It gave her control. Control of the memory's she didn't want. Control of her feelings, control of herself.

How could this one case have gone so wrong? How could this one annoying son of a bitch Scofield who was in prison for god Sake mess up her plans so badly?! How could it be that his brother was in her way over and over again! She never failed! SHE NEVER FAILED! That was why she was hired. Because she just didn't care if she would die or not. To be honoust, she would probably prefer dying. But not at her own hand, no. At someone else's hand. Because she deserved to suffer. And someone else would have to stop the suffering.

No one was able to get through to her. Not any more. She had made that decision a long time ago. And that was why it didn' t matter to her when LJ talked to her, when he told her his hobby's, his interests…. Smart boy. But he did it with the wrong person. She didn't fold. For no one. She could kill in a moment. It was all a war to her. It didn't matter if one person died, or two persons did, or a whole population did.

_You are the woman for the job aren't you?_ She heard his threatening voice again in her head. She had failed the one job she was good at. The one thing that she was good at.

She licked her bruised lip. Lincoln had hit her there. She smiled faintly. Did he really think he even stood a chance? They would all die. If Scofield wasn't dead yet, he would be later. They were no match against the people they were up against. They were just a few annoying bugs who could be crushed in minutes.

She looked at the empty whiskey glass in front of her that rested on her make-up table.

What she wouldn't give to make everything go away, to make everything stop.

Soon her wishes would be granted. She only had to wait for that.

She clenched her teeth as she stared in the distance again. She knew she would be dead soon, and she didn't care about that. It was just the way she would die. And her boss knew that. He had promised her that he would make her past experiences seem like a massage. A massage…. She wouldn't be able to bare that. But killing herself wasn't an option either.

A sarcastic smile flashed over her lips.

Maybe this was how it was supposed to be.

She took a sip of her drink. She couldn't stop drinking. She needed it. It was the only thing that kept her warm, made her memories go away. Besides working that was.. When she was working she didn't feel either.

But those horrible memories always came up when she wasn't busy.

She wondered for a short moment how it was before she had ever went to the army, what kind of person she was, if she had ever smiled. She had forgotten how to smile. Her face would probably break if she tried.

She put her hand on the mirror, on the reflection of her face. She shouldn't go there, never again. She wasn't that woman anymore. She had no feelings anymore. All that she expected from life was to have food, a roof over her head, a lot of money to spent and a job. She grinned. The company wanted people who had nothing to lose, nothing to live for, a lot to die for.

That's why she didn't resist the men she heard coming down the hallway, probably heavy armed. She smiled evilly as she held her hands up. She wouldn't fight for herself. If this was the way it was going to be, then it would be. She had to pay for the mistake she had made. One moment of weakness…. It had only been one moment of weakness, looking in those big brown eyes that looked up at her, pleadingly.

O,yes, she could act without feeling, she could kill without feeling. But that moment, it was like something changed for just a tiny second. It was like she had looked in her own eyes, like she saw her own face, the face that belonged to a woman that had loved once, that had lived.

She told herself that she didn't care when two men took her by her upper arms to lead her out of her hotel room.

When she was forced to walk through the hallway she licked her lip again. Maybe Lincoln should have hit her harder. Or maybe, he should have just pulled the trigger. She wondered what the tall, stubborn and strong man was doing right now. She had seen something in him that few people had. The reason that he was still walking around, the reason that he fought so hard, was love. He loved his son, he loved his brother, and even the doctor woman probably. This man loved the people around him. But that wouldn't be for long. It wouldn't take much to turn him in a bitter man to, in a cold murderour just like her. He would change. Just like her. It was a pity really.

She looked at the dark van on the other side of the street. She felt the man pushing her towards it roughly.

She wouldn't be around long enough to see how Lincoln would end. She would probably die before he would. She had never thought that possible.

When she got pushed the van she felt something hard on her head and everything became black instantly.

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Okay that maybe was a bit deppressing and hopefully not with too many spelling mistakes, but I am planning on writing more. I hope there was at least someone who liked reading it: I guess almost everyone really hates Gretchen. I don't believe that she is a bad person and I don't believe that she is the one that killed Sarah. Hope there are more people who don't and see something good in her. PLEASE REVIEW, THANKS!


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